I didn't write this but it was worth saving. So I'm reposting it. Signed yet another recovering nice guy.
What happened to all the nice guys? - 40
Date: 2007-12-12, 8:57PM EST
Repost from The Best of Craigs List - How True!!
I see this question posted with some regularity in the personals section, so I thought I'd take a minute to explain things to the ladies out there that haven't figured it out.
What happened to all the nice guys?
The answer is simple: you did.
See, if you think back, really hard, you might vaguely remember a Platonic guy pal who always seemed to want to spend time with you. He'd tag along with you when you went shopping, stop by your place for a movie when you were lonely but didn't feel like going out, or even sit there and hold you while you sobbed and told him about how horribly the (other) guy that you were fucking treated you.
At the time, you probably joked with your girlfriends about how he was a little puppy dog, always following you around, trying to do things to get you to pay attention to him. They probably teased you because they thought he had a crush on you. Given that his behavior was, admittedly, a little pathetic, you vehemently denied having any romantic feelings for him, and buttressed your position by claiming that you were "just friends." Besides, he totally wasn't your type. I mean, he was a little too short, or too bald, or too fat, or too poor, or didn't know how to dress himself, or basically be or do any of the things that your tall, good-looking, fit, rich, stylish boyfriend at the time pulled off with such ease.
Eventually, your Platonic buddy drifted away, as your relationship with the boyfriend got more serious and spending time with this other guy was, admittedly, a little weird, if you weren't dating him. More time passed, and the boyfriend eventually cheated on you, or became boring, or you realized that the things that attracted you to him weren't the kinds of things that make for a good, long-term relationship. So, now, you're single again, and after having tried the bar scene for several months having only encountered players and douche bags, you wonder, "What happened to all the nice guys?"
Well, once again, you did.
You ignored the nice guy. You used him for emotional intimacy without reciprocating, in kind, with physical intimacy. You laughed at his consideration and resented his devotion. You valued the aloof boyfriend more than the attentive "just-a-" friend. Eventually, he took the hint and moved on with his life. He probably came to realize, one day, that women aren't really attracted to guys who hold doors open; or make dinners just because; or buy you a Christmas gift that you mentioned, in passing, that you really wanted five months ago; or listen when you're upset; or hold you when you cry. He came to realize that, if he wanted a woman like you, he'd have to act more like the boyfriend that you had. He probably cleaned up his look, started making some money, and generally acted like more of an asshole than he ever wanted to be.
Fact is, now, he's probably getting laid, and in a way, your ultimate rejection of him is to thank for that. And I'm sorry that it took the complete absence of "nice guys" in your life for you to realize that you missed them and wanted them. Most women will only have a handful of nice guys stumble into their lives, if that.
So, if you're looking for a nice guy, here's what you do:
1.) Build a time machine.
2.) Go back a few years and pull your head out of your ass.
3.) Take a look at what's right in front of you and grab a hold of it.
I suppose the other possibility is that you STILL don't really want a nice guy, but you feel the social pressure to at least appear to have matured beyond your infantile taste in men. In which case, you might be in luck, because the nice guy you claim to want has, in reality, shed his nice guy mantle and is out there looking to unleash his cynicism and resentment onto someone just like you.
If you were five years younger.
So, please: either stop misrepresenting what you want, or own up to the fact that you've fucked yourself over. You're getting older, after all. It's time to excise the bullshit and deal with reality. You didn't want a nice guy then, and he certainly doesn't fucking want you, now.
Sincerely,
A Recovering Nice Guy
gay
Nice of you to be so open about your sexuality. We shall soon put homophobes in their place.
Whoever wrote that has some serious issues. Resentment at girls, maybe, but resentment at himself for being a pussy all those years, most likely. What a dick. Probably a hideous fucker too. Should probably hit a gym and do something to make himself seem more attractive and then he might get to empty his nuts into more than his own hand. I hate this kinda emo bullshit.
...there's a reason why girls don't generally like nice guys.
Generally...they're bigger pussies than we are. I don't want to fight your battles for you. Women don't like weak men. We get bored with you. A "bad boy" may put us through emotional hell, but it's better than being bored. Women really don't want a guy who will bow to their whim, as hard as that is to believe.
Grrr.
Nice guys suck.
That is all.
Um, I would consider myself a nice guy, and I haven't had problems with girls since I was like 12 years old.
I've never had an affair while dating someone. I do all the things that nice guys do. I mean, I'll even suffer through shit I don't like (clothes shopping, fml) if i really like/love a girl. Yet, I really have no complaints with the opposite sex in general.
Sure, there are plenty of girls who don't give a shit and will use you and be manipulative twat-muffins and then bitch about it when they get what they deserve, but they're pretty spot-able from miles away if you have a brain, so you really have no excuse for falling for one of these bitches in the first place.
And yes, i have even had situations in my life where I liked a girl, thought I was obvious about it, and she basically just used me for emotional support when another guy was a dick to her, and then went back to him anyway. You know what I did? I didn't let it continue. I said fuck it, it's not worth my time, and moved on, because a girl who does bullshit like that isn't worth the time in the first place. So there really isn't any need to bitch about it. If you let someone use you like that on a regular basis, you deserve it for being dumb enough to keep her around.
I don't think nice guy = pussy. And there are plenty of pussies who are complete jerks.
Most of the "nice guys" I encounter are pussies. Sorry, should have clarified.
Quote from: Sinn on June 22, 2009, 08:23:49 PM
Most of the "nice guys" I encounter are pussies.
There's an old saying about you are what you eat that seems like it fits here.
Laughing My Arse Off.
I like nice guys and I'm not sure if they'd be classified as a pussy. Most of the pussies I've met were immature or pricks that liked to run their mouths but as soon as conflict arises they turned tail and run. I've had bad boys and I've had nice guys--but out of all the guys I've dated I'd take the nerd
Quote from: Shane Sanders on June 23, 2009, 01:39:07 PM
but out of all the guys I've dated I'd take the nerd
QFT. That's who I've been with for 5 years. He's a gamer nerd. :)
gb2 gaia