Well, it wasn't terrible, but I need a place to vent.
Not many know me here, so wont be aware of this, but my grandma has Mesothelioma (lung cancer brought on by asbestos). The doctors gave her 18-24 months to live...4 years ago. She's been doing well, as you can probably tell by the last sentence, but today I realized just how sick she is.
It's always been a family tradition to go to her house for Christmas dinner. This year was no exception. Being the stubborn old lady that she is, she insisted on cooking everything and we left her to it because we didn't want to offend her. It killed me when we all had piles of food and she had 2 potatoes, a little bit of turkey and some veg on her plate...and she couldn't even finish that.
As the day went on, I noticed her falling asleep in her chair. She's completely drained so easily these days. She's lost loads of weight and it breaks my heart to see her struggling so much. Since my grandad died, she's been so independent and strong. Seeing her in the condition she's in now is horrible. What little she eats, she can't keep down and she's barely sleeping at night. I hate her being in so much pain and not being able to do anything.
She's the closest thing I have to a mom on a daily basis. I have a good relationship with my actual mom, but she lives abroad, so I can't exactly run to her with problems and stuff. My grandma is always there for me and I just want to return the favor. Unfortunately, there's nothing I can do because the disease is a killer.
Obviously, I don't want her to die. It would really crush me, but I know it's going to happen sooner or later. I just hate seeing her in so much pain and suffering and wish she was at peace with no worries, if that makes sense? I feel horrible for saying it. I don't want her dead. I want her to get better, but that's impossible.
Later on, I went to the pub I work in. I was supposed to be working tonight but didn't for the most part because Stacey (landlady and best friend) had her sister (Emma) and her boyfriend (Rick) to help. It was nice, really. Stacey wanted me to have a good time, a few drinks and stuff to take my mind off of things. After midnight, though...things went to shit.
Emma and Rick started having a domestic behind the bar, so I ended up covering for Rick. No big deal. I don't mind it because I enjoy working there. We served the last drinks at just after 1. Rick and Emma continued arguing and it started to get REALLY heated. She decided she was going to her mom's for the night instead of going home, which was handy for me because I live on the way, so we shared a cab.
Before that, though, Rick grabbed Emma's arm and twisted it around. I wasn't gonna let him hurt her, so I stepped in. He didn't let go until I punched him in the face. He served time in jail not to long ago for attempted murder, lol, so I wasn't gonna let her go home with him when things were soooooo bad. Then he started saying how he was gonna get in his car (he was drunk) if Emma got in the taxi. I figure it was just a guilt trip. If not...well, he could be wrapped around a lamp post by now =/
In between my grandma's and the domestic, things were ok. I had a good night with my friends and realized how many people I have that really care about me. They took care of me tonight and made sure I didn't stay depressed for too long. I love them.
Now, it's 3am and I just accidentally stretched my right lip piercing. That'll teach my for changing jewelry when I'm drunk. Accidentally put in a 1.6mm instead of a 1.2mm ring. No biggie, but my lip is slightly swollen lol. I didn't wanna bring the mood down or anything... I just felt the need to vent because right now, there's nobody on MSN that understands or knows me enough for me to rant to.
Merry Christmas to all :) I hope it's better than mine. :-*
When you say "pub", does that imply you're in England or working in some crappy American approximation of an English pub?
she's in England
Yeah :D It's an actual English pub ;D
Where abouts?
About 20 mins outside Manchester
Cool. I used to live on The Wirral. Same part of the world. Ish. LOL
LOL yeah... not too far. I'm in Stalybridge.
have heard of it. Dunno it though.